Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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