The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize