i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm like, not good at living.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
