12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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