Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
