Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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