did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
