Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
