I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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