Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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