Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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