I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
