I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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