what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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