You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got inside last night via doggy door
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