we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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