You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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