Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
