So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
