A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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