just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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