i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize