My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize