Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
