We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize