THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
