A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
