Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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