I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
