Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize