Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
