people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
