So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
