we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just pee around me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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