Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
