Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
