I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
