I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
