Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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