i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
