Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
