i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
