i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
