i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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