um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
