I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
