let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize