Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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