:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
