After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
