She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
