It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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