it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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