I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
