i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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