I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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