Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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