I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
