You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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