i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
