May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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