Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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