I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
