all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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