you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
