He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
